Dearest Portland drivers I just encountered on my ride home,

I realize how confusing this “shiny road” phenomenon can be… I know big sky father is sending magic spots to make car glass not see good. But, big sky father also gave you two magic wands with which to defend yourself. With only intermittent swipes with these magical wards, car glass will be granted perfect clarity.. illuminated by the magic eyes of the big sky father and his intermittently cleansing touch. Now, please use these heavenly gifts from the all father to not fucking run me off the fucking road.

thanks for your patience in this important matter, sincerely
A Portland Bicyclist.